A diagnosis of breast cancer can be overwhelming. It may take some time to sort through all your emotions. But you can still be in charge of your life. You'll have many decisions to make in the weeks and months ahead. The more you know, the better prepared you'll be to make the best choices. As soon as you find out you have breast cancer, start educating yourself about its treatment.
In addition to talking to your medical team — your breast specialist, surgeon, medical oncologist (a specialist in chemotherapy and hormone therapy) and radiation oncologist (a specialist in radiation therapy) — you may also want to talk to a counselor or medical social worker. Or you may find it helpful and encouraging to talk to other women with breast cancer.
There are also excellent books on breast cancer and many reputable resources on the Internet. Be sure to look for the most current information because breast cancer treatments change rapidly.
othersOne of your first decisions will likely be how and when to tell those closest to you. If you have children, telling them — no matter what their ages — can be difficult, but honesty is the best approach. You don't have to give all the details. How much and what you say will depend on each child's age and ability to understand. But trying to hide your illness isn't a good idea. Instead, tell your children you're doing everything possible to get well.
The decision to tell friends and co-workers isn't an easy one. Especially in the beginning, you may not want anyone outside your family to know. But over time, you may find it helpful to confide in a few close friends or co-workers.
Keep in mind that people may not always react as you expect. Some may have many of the same feelings you do — anger, fear, grief. Others may be incredibly supportive. And some may not say much at all or may even avoid you. That's not because they don't care, but because they may not know what to say. Let them know that there are no right words and that their concern is enough.
Maintaining a strong support systemMore and more studies show that strong relationships are crucial in dealing with life-threatening illnesses. In fact, friends and family are often an integral part of your treatment. Sometimes, though, you may want or need different kinds of support. If so, you may find the concern and understanding of other women with breast cancer especially comforting. Breast cancer survivors have developed a tremendous support network. Your doctor or a medical social worker may be able to put you in touch with a group near you. Or you can contact a cancer organization, such as the American Cancer Society, to find out what's available in your area.
Dealing with intimacyWestern culture places a great emphasis on women's breasts. They're associated with attractiveness, femininity and sexuality. Because of these attitudes, breast cancer may affect your self-image and erode your confidence in intimate relationships. Although it can be difficult, you need to talk to your partner about your concerns — preferably before your surgery.
Taking care of yourselfDuring your treatment, you'll need to plan your schedule carefully. Allow yourself time to rest. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Your friends and family want to help, but they may not always know what to do. Be specific about your needs. For example, you might ask a friend to pick up your children from school, shop for groceries or prepare meals. If you need to, be prepared to relinquish your role as caretaker for a while. This doesn't mean you're helpless or weak. Far from it. It means you're using all your energy to get well.
At the same time, you'll likely want to stay as independent as possible. Sometimes in their desire to help, other people may try to take over your life. Or they may act as if you're terribly fragile. Both can be detrimental to your recovery. Don't hesitate to tell friends and loved ones how you want to be treated.